Paperwork, Paperwork, Paperwork

Did I mention there's A LOT of paperwork involved in this whole process?

There are in fact two entirely separate agencies, each with their own sets of paperwork. It seems redundant at times, but I'm a dork who loves filling out forms so I don't really complain. What is frustrating, however, is that neither agency has any idea what the other agency is doing or expects. And, because we only have frequent contact with our CSW through the DCFS, it can be tough to get answers to our questions about the state licensing process.

If you have read through the paperwork twice, then read it through one more time. It took us about 3 months to complete the forms for CCL. This was coupled with getting the house ready. As the house was getting together, then more of the CCL forms would become complete.

If you have any questions, then please do not hesitate to ask them here in comments. We helped a lot of our classmates in our PS-MAPP class in filling the paperwork out and telling them what to turn in first. 

Orientation

You have thought about it, discussed it, weighed all the pros and cons, and the final conclusion is that you want to foster/adopt. I would like to be the first one to say, "Congratulations!"

Now what?

Our decision to foster/adopt was almost a sudden, "Yes." One night we were talking about how great it was to have had seen our friends who had successfully foster/adopt their first child, and they were working on fostering (and soon adopting) their second. In our discussion that night, we talked about the pieces of information that we had gathered from them over the years, such as the timeline, cost, benefits, etc... In the past, we had fantasized that Mommy A would carry. Easy. Done. Those plans had changed. Mommy A did not want to carry, but she wanted to be a parent.

We came to the realization and conclusion that the best decision for our family was the following:  it was more important to become a parent than it was to give birth.

No offense to other lesbian families that do give birth. More power to you!

Although we have had many discussions before about giving birth, this decision to foster/adopt made the final puzzle piece fit.

Doing a Google search, we came across the CA Gov website for Los Angeles County DCFS (see our resource page). If you live in a different county (ex: San Diego County), then you would need to look up information for that county. On the website, they provide you a calendar and a phone number to call. Ignore the calendar. You will most likely not receive a spot in an upcoming Orientation class because, to our surprise, they fill up quickly. You have to call to place yourself on the waiting list.

WAIT TIME: 60 DAYS


Although we came to the conclusion rather quickly, it was frustrating to hear that we had to wait at least 60 days just for orientation. We understand that there are families who might take longer to come to this decision. Reflecting back, it was worth the wait. If our orientation was close to when we signed up, we would have ran away scared. We had many more discussions (because we're lesbians), and it gave us enough time to know that we wanted to be parents and to continue down this road.

When you are signing up for the orientation, you can specify if you only want notifications of orientations in your area. I would recommend against that. It could prolong your wait time even longer. If you keep your options open, especially if your plan is to attend an orientation on a Saturday, then make the sacrifice to wake up early and drive to that location. In addition to that, both partners must attend.

The week of the orientation, we made the decision to tell our parents. We thought it was important for us to have their love and support before we started on this journey. Mommy A told her youngest sister first. It signaled the family tree and Mommy A's parents knew within that day. They were so happy for us which was amazing to hear and a great start. With Mommy M's family, she made a decision to tell her father first. It was important to her since he was never the first to hear about other important decisions (ex: getting married), and this was another huge milestone that was affecting her and him. The response was overwhelming with love and joy.

Orientation
We went on a Saturday in November 2011. The orientation was scheduled for 3 hours. It does go the entire 3 hours. The two presenters consist of one person from the county and the other from CCL (the state). They both present, one at a time, and go through the basic steps of becoming approved through the county and becoming licensed through the state.

County Requirements

• Orientation
• 33 hours of PS-MAPP
• Paperwork
• Home Study
• Finger printing
• Physicals

State Requirements

• Orientation
• Paperwork
• Home Study
• Finger printing
• Physicals

The requirements are in about the order that you are allowed to complete them. At the end of the orientation, you receive your certificate that you will need to have, so do not lose it. Afterwards, we immediately went to Office Max and bought an expandable folder, so we were able to organize and keep track of the paperwork. 

The paperwork is daunting and overwhelming. You have to turn in forms that look almost identical to two different bodies: county and state. Do not confuse them. This is where the expandable folder is very helpful. (It also helps to have such an organized wife as well.) 

Some things that are helpful to remember:

• COPY EVERYTHING - We PDF every piece of paper that we fill out to send, and we keep a hard copy in our folder.  
• CCL strongly recommends that you have your house "in order" before turning in your CCL paperwork. This includes:
• Having a separate bedroom for the child. If you plan on fostering a child under the age of 2, that child can stay in your room, but on her or his 2nd birthday, she or he must have a bedroom. 
• In that separate bedroom, there must be a dresser with at least 2 drawers. 
• The child's bedroom must not be a walk through to another room. It has to be a room with a door. 
• The bedroom must be furnished:
• Appropriate bed for age of child
• Dresser
• Changing Table - Baby/toddler only
• Car Seat that is age appropriate
• If you are planning to foster two or more children:
• 2 children can share one bedroom
• They must have separate drawers, but they can share a closet
• If they are opposite sex, then they can share a room until the age of 5; afterwards they must have a separate room.
• If you are fostering a baby/toddler, you must baby proof:
• Cabinets
• Drawers
• Doors
• Strapping down your flat screen
• Strapping down your furniture (this is a good exercise since CA is prone to earthquakes)
• You must lock away your alcohol. We thought this was somewhat ridiculous, but (skipping a little ahead) while we were in PS-MAPP class, there are children who were growing up in homes where alcohol is associated with a beating or a rape that even the sight in your healthy, happy home might trigger regression in the child. If you are planning to foster a baby, we recommend the magnetic locks ($20 at Target). They work. 
• You must lock away your medication and your cleaners. 
• You must have a land line. No internet base because the department feels that in the case of an emergency, then the department can get in touch with you. 
• If you own guns, you must have a gun cabinet and keep the ammunition and the gun separate. You will have to show the CCL worker that they are separate. 
• Sign up for PS-MAPP classes immediately! There are only 20 - 25 spots in each class, and they fill up quickly. During one of the breaks, I used my phone to sign-up online. Very quick. Very easy.

Hopefully you are not overwhelmed quite yet. We would recommend taking great notes at the orientation, and when you get home, sit down and separate into 2 piles for both sets: Pile A - Immediate Attention and Pile B - Need to be done to complete entire process. 

Just note that you will not have your home study by CCL until you complete your first set of paperwork. With DCFS, you will not receive a home study until you finish PS-MAPP. 

RECAP

Total Time - 3 months

Ask A Gay Family

We've been following the inspiring gay adoptive family behind the popular "Ask A Gay Family" series of videos on YouTube. The video below gives some great insight into the issues surrounding foster care and adoption, and great responses to the common meme that children are better off when raised by their biological mother and father or, secondarily, by opposite sex adoptive parents. Their videos are lengthy, but I highly recommend checking out their YouTube channel -- and subscribing if you're so inclined.

The Beginning

We started this blog to document our experience discerning whether to foster a child and our journey from saying "yes, we think this is what we want to do" to what will hopefully be the building of our family through foster care and, ultimately, public adoption.

A lot of people have expressed that they are excited for us to finally become parents. They are also a little curious when they hear we are adopting and even more so, it seems, when we explain that we are pursuing public adoption through foster care in Los Angeles County. And we thought this would be a great way to educate our family and friends on what exactly it is that we're doing and how the process is unfolding.

We also hope this will be a space for other same sex couples considering foster care and adoption to learn a little about what to expect. Early on, we learned there is a surprising dearth of quality books and resources for those pursuing adoption. There's fewer for those pursuing foster care or public adoption. And even fewer for LGBT couples. Much of the time, it seems like we're going through this blindfolded--never quite knowing what we're going to be asked to do next. So, I guess, part of the reason for doing this is to shed some light on a process that can at times seem lengthy, confusing, and frustrating.

One final note: You'll notice that we made the decision to keep this blog anonymous, choosing to go by the aliases "Mommy A" and "Mommy M." We feel that such will be in the best interest of any child placed in our care and their birth families. For those who do know us, we ask that you refrain from including our real names in the comments.

Enjoy.